I was very fortunate to have a father that was highly involved and supportive from day one. He was a husband, a mentor, a best friend, a coach, a role model, a cheerleader, and so much more… but most importantly he was a loving and dedicated father.
Apart from being subjected to a lot (and I mean A LOT) of “Dad jokes,” my Dad was always one to take advantage of any moment to impart a lesson on my brother and I.
My Dad was a hard worker. He and my Mom worked to provide the best for Chris and I, and you are supposed to retire and enjoy winters in Palm Springs, watch the grandkids open presents at Christmas, go for long walks without a care, and enjoy your time towards the end of your days. I feel distraught that after all those years working to provide a great life for us, my Dad didn’t get to have that.
As I went through the grieving process of his passing last year, and looking through photos in remembrance of him, I realize that one of Dad’s greatest gifts to us was about living enthusiastically for the “now.” I feel like we always took the trip, bought the thing, moved to the place, followed our passions, experienced the people and the places and the things. Do I wish he and my Mom had a smoother retirement at his end? Absolutely. But I really believe he led a very, very full life with no regrets or postponements.
I’m so grateful for the way of doing things that he modelled for us. Our Mom has a different chapter ahead than planned, and after being an absolute champion these past few years with our Dad, we know that spirit lives on with her and us, to get out there and make a great life happen.
So in this spirit, and in honour of his many lessons to us, here are five things I learned from him that I would like to pass on to you:
- Luck comes easier to those who work for it.
When Dad and I were playing pool (or Billiards, Snooker, Eight ball… and Slosh) I used to complain about how lucky he seemed to continually be with his shots. His reply was always the same:
“It’s funny how the more I practice, the luckier I get, hey Nick?”
In that one simple statement, he was teaching me a very important life lesson: Luck will come to you more if you help it along with hard work, practice, and the right attitude!
- Good manners will always set you apart.
Everywhere we went, Dad would make Chris or I hold the door open for our Mom; and walk on the curb side of a lady; and say Please and Thank You relentlessly.
Although it felt painful as we were growing up to always be reminded to “watch our manners,” we now understand the art of Chivalry and good manners, and that has served us both well over the years.
- Never lose sight of the most important things.
Our Dad would always make us hug and kiss them both when parting for any reason – even if just popping out to the store for 30 minutes.
He said, “Life is fragile. You never know if this is the last time we see each other.”
That act of affection taught us to never lose site of what’s most important in life, the dedication and appreciation for loved ones.
- Concentrate on what you can control and let the rest go.
Here’s one you might enjoy. When we would complain about a situation by saying, “If only it were different” or “If that wouldn’t have happened, it would have worked out better.”
His response was always, “And if my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle.”
Now, apart from being traumatized by the graphic image, it took me a few years to understand this particular message. It means that if’s and but’s are excuses for not taking action or making decisions. There are things you just can’t control, so accept that fact and move on to those things that you can.
- Don’t wait. There is no perfect time.
When I first joined my parents at the marketing company that they bought, my Dad gave me a paper weight (funny, how I just realized the significance of that – him having worked for so many years in the printing industry). I kept it on my desk, in front of my computer screen as a constant reminder to always go for the things I want in life. It reads:
“The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.”
I still have it on my desk, in front of my monitor, to this very day.
To all the fathers out there – biological, step, adopted, or chosen –
Happy Father’s Day.
And to my Dad…
I love you. And I miss you.Nick
